Please help with this sentence...

[SLL]

He backed up, said ready, set, go and tried again, but missed the luscious fruit and came down head first in the dirt.

Is this punctuated correctly? If not, how can it be changed to keep the original wording (or close to it).

Thanks,
Sherry

[Carolyn]

This is pretty close. You've got five verbs here, and some direct speech, which is a lot of material to pack into one sentence. The basic thought is 'he backed up, said something and tried again, but missed something and came down.'

To punctuate correctly, you'd need to add the following:
said, "Ready, set, go!" and ...

It could easily be broken into two sentences. Right after 'again' would be a good break point. Just add a 'He' (or some such word) before missed, and that would do it.

Or, "Backing up, he said, "Ready, set, go!" and tried again, but he missed the luscious fruit and came down head first in the dirt."

Carolyn

[Sherry in MN]

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